SPARE A THOUGHT FOR THE DEAD

It is so sad that an human being can slaughter another human being, innocent children and their mothers in cold-blood all in the name of religion or reprisal attack! This shows how far our culture has degenerated into a abysmal state where instead of growing to be more accepting of one another we descend into animalistic tendencies.

I blame our leaders, I blame poverty, unemployment and the religious bigotry that has pervaded our nation unchecked for 50 years. How can we refuse to move on, how can we move on if we have no future to step into! 50 years of religious crisis, and even an attempted terrorist attack on USA.

I saw this picture online and it is just sad! I imagine the joys of the families of these slain kids at their birth and now, their destinies has been truncated in the most savage manner. Which way, Nigeria? Haiti lost thousands to a naturally occuring disaster, we lost our hundreds to a man-made and avoidable disaster.

Let us all spare a thought for these lost souls in our quiet time and pray for Nigeria!

A Letter to the Child of My Waiting Days

                                                                                                                             
Straight from my heart,

26-02-2010

Dear child of my waiting days,

I cannot remember a time in the last few years that I have not prayed for you, most times with tears in my eyes - begging God to let you come, to remove every impediment and make you perfect. Even when I was so sure you were on the way and after 24 weeks the journey was truncated, it made the desire to have you, hold you, love you more intense and the tears flow freely each time I pray. My prayers became desperate, giving God all the reasons I know to make you mine.

I only stopped asking for you in tears after I had an awesome experience through the song, "Yesterday" by MaryMary. The song really ministered to me that I need not cry as God knows my desire and my tears won't do a thing. He will still be God so all I need do is praise him for being God. But all through these times I never had a dream about you. Initially, my prayer was for one beautiful child, after the unfortunate incidence in January 2009, my prayers became a request for two. Yet I had no picture in my mind of what I wanted until now.

I saw you today when I had a wonderful dream about you and it was such an awesome experience - still don't understand how one can move from infanthood, to teenage years in one night - but that was what  happened. The dream has given me confidence as I have an idea of what you look like. It has also secured a place in my heart for you more than ever before, and I know now that I want you more than ever.

If you ever get this letter, I hope you are looking forward to meeting me as I am waiting for you. However, in this waiting room, I am doing my best to deserve you and be the best mom you will be proud of.

I will surely write another letter to you till we see face to face in the flesh. I hope that won't be too far in the year. Be assured dh is also looking forward to meeting you and prays for you everyday.

Love you.

Dolapo Taiwo-Fajolu

No, You Don’t Have To See You Wearing a White Dress!

No, You Don’t Have To See You Wearing a White Dress!

What is Marriage Really About?

This post is about an important part of our existence as human beings. Whether we acknowledge it or not, marriage is as important as any of lifes' endeavour. A look at the courtship period, the proposal, wedding rattamatazz and the rest of the furore about what is right or not makes it even more encompassing. Some people ascribe more improtance to the ceremony than to proper care in the choice of life partner. That word, life partner, brings me to the main reason why i am writing this piece - What is marriage really about? What is the life partnership all about? What sustains it?

 A look at the conventional wedding vows reads like this, "to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part "(Traditional Church of England wedding vows).

And then to exchange rings, the vows reads like this,"With my body I honour you, all that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you, within the love of God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit". (Traditional words for the exchange of rings).

"Christians believe that marriage is a gift from God, one that should not be taken for granted. It is the right atmosphere to engage in sexual relations and to build a family life. Getting married in a church, in front of God, is very important. A marriage is a public declaration of love and commitment. This declaration is made in front of friends and family in a church ceremony." - bbc.co.uk

The above quote is the best definition of christian marriage that i have ever come across. We pretend as if marriage is merely for status, just for us to add the prefix, MRS to the ladies name or for the man to boost his ego that he has come of age. Marriage is firstly a gift - then what is the gift? It is the gift of another person just like a brother, sister, friend, companion. What differentiates a man as a friend and a man as a husband is the right to sexual relationship.

It took a funny picture of a cake made for a bridal shower and its inscription to bring about an argument on what marriage is really about. We may never agree on what it means to us all but my research on the topic showed that what differentiates marriage from other relationship we hold is the right to sexual relationship. No wonder in the bible, marriage is often associated with "knowing". We are familiar with scriptures that says, "and Isaac knew his wife, and she conceived..., and David knew his wife...", and several other knowings in the scriptures.

Also, the grievous sin of infidelity would not have been so classified if it is not a direct violation of what marriage stands for. So when I saw this cake, I was simply amused at the bolness of the baker and probably that the person who organised the bridal shower. It may look a little to odd for some, even unholy or unspiriitual to others, but what are we talking about? Ask any married man or woman and they will tell you the truth, most marriages hit the rock first from the bedroom before it gets to the kitchen, living room or out in the public.

Before you say you don't have to be married to have sex as the message around us has always been that of permissiveness, I must emphasise that sex outside of marriage is mostly done in fear - either of catching a disease, unplanned pregnancies, heart breaks and even eternal judgement. Anyone who will be truthful like one of my former managers who confessed that before marriage, it takes him at least a week to beg his wife-to-be to have sex with him but after marriage, he can, any time of the day get her to do his biddings. That may be the extreme but the place of sex, we all know is in the safety of marriage.
Any woman preparing for marriage should prepare for the wedding night(s) as much as she does the ceremony. Not just a lingerie for the honeymoon, but a lifetime of convincings 'not tonight dears, faint headaches, tiredness, or even a lock out'. But above all, the wonderful feeling of total peace that comes with satisfying nights or even days in each others' arms.

NB
Readers comments are welcome

Questions, rantings and more questions!

It hurts so bad when we miss the point of our existence. I am not referring to an individual failing to meet lifes' expectation but the Church becoming a disappointment to itself and the people it is meant to serve. Why did God give us Jesus? John 3:16 says, "This is how much God loved the WORLD: He gave his Son, his one and only SON. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life" (The Message//Remix version of the bible)

The last thing on God's mind when He created man was for man to build edifices and all that - God made man so that he can fellowship (have relationship) with Him. He sent Jesus so that He can restore the fellowship lost when man fell. Where then did the Church get the idea that the building is more important than the people of God, or that offerings and eloquent speeches can replace the tears of a repentant sinner? It continues to amaze me that from church to church the leadership place more emphasis on numbers that fill the auditorium service after service than on the numbers been redeemed from the kingdom of the devil to God's kingdom!

Why will we spend good money, provided by God's grace on jamborees disguised as musical concerts when we can storm the streets and save the dying world, the world God so love...

When will we stop putting one another down enough to focus on the urgency of the kingdom matters. It surprised me when I heard someone call a close pal of my "spiri-koko" even in the church, is it possible for us to be too spiritual? I think it is better to be too spiritual than to be carnally minded.

Pastors, Deacons, Elders focus on loyalty rather than raising disciples. There is a desire to run the church, or should I say ministry like a profit-making organisation - no wonder men are clamouring for tax for the churches. We have majored in the minor!

We don't affect the world again and the painful part of it is that we have brought the fight home - biting and killing each other. Setting the zeal of people on fire and then pouring water on it all in one breath! How else can one describe what happens when church leaders are selected not based on the guiding of the spirit but on intellectual, personal and even sometimes financial basis. No wonder we don't get the result we desire and we weary out.

May God help us.

Fear has Torment 1, 2 and Finally (A reprint)

The story you are about to read was first published as a facebook note in 3 parts in April 2009. I have not started blogging then but knew i wanted to write.

I almost broke out in sweats though the airconditioner was working full blast. I looked at the time and it was 12 midnight. Has he been awake all night or did he set an alarm? It wasn't my birthday, our anniversary or valentine. 'I love you' , he said and left the room. Why would my husband wake up at midnight just to say that? Is he leaving? Have i done something wrong? Or right? Did he have a dream or premonition of something? Am i dying?


How did i become so fearful just because of an endearing remark?
 
He left my side as the torrents of negative thoughts flooded my mind. Do i follow him and ask why he said he loves me. I heard the toilet flush and steeled myself for what's to come. He headed for the living room instead and moments later i heard music play as he began to worship and pray. Ha! I muttered, something must really be wrong?! I began to say prayers of my own then it struck me- DH just wanted 2 express his love for me. Why did i allow fear to paralyse me and stop me from enjoying the moment?
 
I didn't have the courage to join in the prayers but i waited patiently in the room. I realised then that everyone has a moment, when our defences are down and we are at our lowest point- at that point we lose our confidence and become helpless. I also concluded that such thoughts won't stop coming but i won't allow them spoil such sweet moments. As he walked in,


I stretched out my hand and whispered a hearty I love you too. Just then the alarm rang. 4.30a.m. Time to get up and face another day in Lagos.

Mama na boy 2!

It is rejoicing all the way as God heard my familys' heart cry and blessed my Sister with a bbb! Now Shalewa and Shewa has a litttle brother making a very balance equation and me, another nephew! My sweet brother-in-law is not unequally yoked and out-numbered anymore! I am really excited that it's a boy! And shout out to Kemi & Ibrahim Folarin whose son is als a birthday mate of my nephew. Now that baby is alos a testimony to God's pride in hearing us and making all things beautiful in his time.


Note : bbb - bouncing baby boy

An Invitation to all my friends

I have a confession to make. The confession is that I have another blog alongside favourite things which is closer to my heart and what I do is that I go there when I want to offload. Now i want to invite friends to this blog. Please take time out to visit http://shethirsts.blogspot.com/. It looks a bit dark but there are cheering news there too.

I hope you will learn one or two things and your comments are welcome.

Waiting.Waiting..Waiting...

Much of the christian life consist of waiting - we wait on God in fasting, prayer and watchnights, we wait for answers to prayers, whatever our request may be. In the waiting process several things happen to a believer. Waiting on God is like going to the hospital - you walk through the doors and several faces look up at you as you approach the reception desk.

Registration over, you take a seat and listen to the radio on your phone, make calls or watch the TV. Bored, you fix your gaze on the wall posters and medical jargons on almanacs and calendars or some wall papers. By now you are sicker than you were when you came in.

The nurse calls your name and you get up and continue the wait as your temperature, blood pressure, weight and others are taken and recorded. Then you are ushered into the doctors office who after hearing your story orders some tests and you are back atthe waiting line now in the laboratory...

Should our waiting on God be like this? I believe we must not leave it all to God as Apostle Paul said in Hebrews 6: 10-15, The Message remix version of the Bible summarises it like this and i paraphrase as follows,"God keeps his promise but while you wait for it dont be lazy - work at it and at your belief".

God can do all things, it is only a matter of when and as we cannot plant a seed and reap a harvest of the same in the same day, waiting is inevitable in our human experience but it doesn't have to be as bad as waiting on a doctor, who may not even be able to disgonise correctly what ails you. God is Sovereign and we need to remind ourself of his vastness everyday so that we don't lose sight of who we are working for and waiting on.

Check out Prayers Fire Blog

Hi,

I want you to take a look at: Prayers Fire Blog 

Going Somewhere?

I saw this expression somewhere and i quote "Those who think they know everything are annoying to those of us who do. It's funny, but if you place the period after the word "annoying," it's also true. But know-it-all managers aren't just annoying. They're also bad managers, bad for the organization, and bad for business." Since I don't know everything, i am prepared to read as much as i can, research on it and learn form those who do. I believe that will help me become a better manager and therefore a dependable business person.

I sent out a thank you note to all my customers today and i did that telling myself that i must not look like where i am, but rather like where i am going to. My business is still young, somehow shaky but i know all too well that that is the same way athletes like Usain Bolt started- crawling, sttagering, standing , walking, running and then running well.
ATB&B may be young but it is not going to be like that for long.

I am also starting aa book review/online book club in 2010 - so watch this space all lovers of books and you will be glad you did.
THINK, LOOK AND ACT LIKE WHERE YOU ARE GOING!

ARE YOU MOTIVATED?

Sometimes life can be soooo hard and you wish you weren't where you are or doing what you are doing? There are times you look around you and the solutions you seek are just not forthcoming. I had often been told that the closest time to the dawn is the darkest and that when all chips are down, look up. How then do you look up when your tears have blinded you to seeing clearly?

How do you stay motivated and encouraged when all hell is breaking loose around you? or how do you encourage others who look up to you? How do you pray when it seems the clouds are gathering around you and you are swamped on all sides? How do you escape when screaming "GOD" on top of your voice and "JESUS" with all your strength seems futile.

I feel helpless sometimes and at this time, i am on auto-drive. I don't wanna sound ungrateful, but i really need a break - There are breaks, i know, those dear moments when God surprises me with a favour i stopped asking for but still needed, and when a kindhearted friend and brother gave my sweetheart a wheel when ours is misbehaving - but beyond this, how do you feel motivated when the deepest desires of your heart seems unreachable and unattainable.

Just stay motivated and encouraged, against all odds, things will work out fine. It always does. Abi? There is sunshine after the rain, and light at the end of the tunnel. All test will become a testimony, and there is a message in the mess. Ok oh!

By the way, the picture is that of my church's altar, cool, hun?

POST SCRIPT - Do you know that when we are busy looking down, God is busy making things right? Good that He is first a Father, then a judge!!! All's well that ends well. as-the-light-comes-shinning-through-my-life-again, i know that God is watching out for me. It's just a matter of time, yeah!

MAMA NA BOY!

This is a short post to congratulate my dear friends Tosin and Bukola who both gave birth to bouncing baby boys on Friday and Saturday 23rd and 24th respectively. May their joys know no end and may those bundle of joys be all the parents wish. Congrats to the Olusolas and the Fagbolas.

MENTAL LOWS OR HIGHS?

How quiet and at peace a person is can only be determined by the quality of the chatters that go on in our minds. These conversations, that begins once you wake up in the morning, till you lay down again at night and for some continues in their subconscious while they try to sleep could range form self flagellations to prideful comments, from love thoughts to hate words.

A pious, holy looking person could have lustful thoughts in His mind, while a friend smiling at you acros the table or at work could have thoughts that are better shown in an horror film about you in her mind.

We sometimes hide our thue feelings by expressing the very opposite of what we feel. Our mental chatters is also revealed by a sigh, the unecessary outburst, and sometimes a gentle smile that say a plesant thought just passed through our mind. King Sunny Ade sang about the conscience being that onewho is the silent observer of all we do - Remenber that song? Do you know that some people who speak impeccably in English language often commune in their mind in that same language?

What you dwell upon in your heart will affect all you do. We need to ask, what or who are we in the recesses of our mind? What if there is a screen where our thoughts are screened? Will you be proud of the production? The Holy book says as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. We are but a reflection of our thoughts and sooner or later, those thoughts will become actions. Shall we pray?

Let the words of my mouth

and the meditation of my heart

be acceptable in your sight, Oh Lord!

Favourite Things: WHERE ARE YOUR FRIENDS?

Favourite Things: WHERE ARE YOUR FRIENDS?

WHERE ARE YOUR FRIENDS?

I once did a soul search and asked myself if i can live without my friends. The answer was resounding NO! Friends come and go but even when we are disappointed or we disappoint others, we will still gravitate towards the next person and strike another alliance - hoping it will be better than the last. No matter how reclusive we may want to seem, we can't function fully as humans without the love and affections of our friends.

I have heard people say things like, "I don't have any friends" or "my siblings are my only friends", or "I don't want to have any friends". Married women are even advised not to have friends and make their spouse the only friend they have - no wonder most women nowadays are not making the impact our mothers made then. I remember growing up seeing my mum host several women's association - either from the Anglican Church we attended then or from her office or other groups. These women come together and in the midst of the normal bickering- they stand by one another, help out when it is needed and rally round each other for the sake of the friendship they share through the clubs or association. I remember also that they started a mentoring strategy where a young, or newly married woman is attached to an older woman who acts as her guide and prayer partner. Such women, who are now older still remembers my mum and keeps in touch - years and several re locations later.

The men also had theirs - even though it is more of an excuse to eat bush meat and drink palm wine than to bond - yet it brought out a lot of results for the children as you are able to leverage on your dad's association with a certain permanent Secretary or DG to get an IT placement, job or get out of trouble.

So how come we don't have these groups of 20's, 10's and even 5's anymore? Sometimes we even struggle to keep in touch with the few church members we say hi to after the services and we don't call to say hi to our colleagues at work once the weekend start? When i recall that there was no GSM or social networking sites then, i wondered how our parents made the contacts necessary to keep their friends close.

We have facebook, skype, twitter, e-mails, GSM - yet it has drawn us apart rather than keep us together! There is need to feel that closeness with the other person that is intimate but not sexual, that is revealing but not indecent.

I love my friends and sometimes i overdo it - making their husbands and boyfriends jealous and uncomfortable - but i can't help it because i only thrive and be my best when i am surrounded with them. My husband has learn to accept that these people - young, older, mates - women and a few guys - will always be part of our home. That is why it is possible for me to accommodate a male friend in my home for almost a year without much ado and give a key to my home to another female friend.

Who are your friends? Are they the people who looks and dress like you do or do you go out of your way to be a shoulder to someone who is different? Are you reliable? Can i trust you with the deepest secrets of my heart? Can i rely on you to bail me out of a bad situation? You don't have to be perfect to be a good friend, i am not - sometimes my big mouth comes between my good intentions and deliveries and i hurt my friends and myself in the process - but then, there is forgiveness which we have all received and should give back in volumes.

Where are your friends? Look out for those who mean something to you today and don't hesitate to be a friend to another.

Beauty

“Taking joy in living is a woman's best cosmetic.” -Rosalind Russell

As much as i like my make up i know that it is not what i put on that determines who i am. it takes more than my face, my dress and my accessories to make me. I am a product of a well-thought out plan and i have invested so much more into myself ot be what I am.

It is important for every woman to know her worth and not be swayed by mere talks! It still baffles me how a girl can give herself cheaply to a man just because he says she is beautiful! it will take more than mere words to get a woman who knows her worht and she has all it takes to determine who she is with and who she gives her heart to.

I stumbled upon the following collection of quotable quotes on beauty and will like to share them on my page. Some of these quotes may sound crazy, but it sure will appeal to some more than the other.
Enjoy!

“Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.” -Sophia Loren

“Every photo shoot, I'm always asking the makeup artist what they're using on me, and I'll go out and get it.” -Denise Richards

“It's all or nothing with my makeup. If I get dressed up, I'll go to an extreme. I'll wear foundation, bright blue or bright red lipstick with one of my weird purple wigs.” -Angelina Jolie

“I want to be a guy, but I want to wear a lot of makeup.” -Gwen Stefani

“When I went on the stage to do a show, I would put on makeup because I felt that it enhanced my act; it drew attention to what I was doing.” -Little Richard

“Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.” –Coco Chanel

“I love the confidence that makeup gives me.” -Tyra Banks

“I don't believe makeup and the right hairstyle alone can make a woman beautiful. The most radiant woman in the room is the one full of life and experience.” -Sharon Stone

“I like to work in costumes, makeup, and hair that allow me tremendous freedom.” -Jessica Lange

“That's why I began doing makeup in the first place: I was hoping that through helping people see the beauty in themselves, I could try and find it in me.” -Kevyn Aucoin

“The makeup is simply an extension of the personality and colors, clothing, makeup all express something.” -Gene Simmons

“I started doing makeup to make a living. Then I said, You're not supposed to be putting powder on other people. You're supposed to be powdering yourself.” -Debi Mazar

“I don't like to have too many makeup artists around, so I always like to do my own.” -Diana Ross

“The best color in the whole world, is the one that looks good, on you!” -Coco Chanel

“If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?” -Lily Tomlin

First of all...

Welcome to Favourite Things, the page where i beam the light on the things i love - God, Family, Books and Makeup! I am sure there is more but i am presently kinda obsessed by these and i will share my thoughts on published and unpublished books, I will share my discoveries about the One who gives me life and purpose, I will talk bout my sweethearts and our love - all the details if i can, and lastly i will gloss and powder the pages with my makeup bliss and blunders - as adistributor and a user!

Thanks for visiting my page and keep coming back for a piece of me...