I was here exactly 12 months ago

I never thought it will take me one whole year before I come back here but that is what seemed to have happened. my last post was a letter to my unborn child (13/07/2010). That child is 7 months today!!! It has been a roller coaster of fears, joys, trepidation and certainties.

Oromitope Edward Fajolu is surely a dream and a prayer come true. He is so far all I wished he would be and much more. Infertility in whatever form is a hard place to be and going through the phase and being blessed with a child, one so precious as OT is indeed indescribable.

I reach out to all women out there waiting for the joy of motherhood, I reach out via this post to all the ladies out there facing the pains of infertility. I want to tell you it is indeed a hard place to be and you don't have to go through it alone. sometimes not having someone to talk to about your experiences makes it harder. or speaking to people and knowing they don't understand you at all! I just want to offer my hand and reach out. If you read this and you are in the waiting room, i say i can help. I can pray with you, talk to you, encourage you and discuss your treatment options with you. I had 2 early miscarriages and another one at 24 weeks before i was able to carry a baby to 31 weeks gestation age. Getting these pregnancies were not easy as i was on a regime of fertility drugs and injections as well. I know what it feels like to have to go for weekly injections to boost ovulation. I know how painful 'PD' injections are. ouch. What more? I can tell you how it feels to have a 1.6kg baby in NICU for 4 weeks

and watch him blossom into a cute bundle of joy in just few months.

I am saying that it is possible!!!



Transisting from the waiting room to the place of motherhood is possible.

Don't doubt it and please allow me to hold your hand through the journey.

Knowledge is power and not knowing what is going on in your body is uncomfortable. I love research and i am able to relate to everything that the doctors say but i know a lot of us out there are ignorant about terms like HSG, anovulatory cycles, ovarian cysts, cerclage, incompetent cervix, blocked tubes etc.

PS: If you know anyone who is in need of a word of encouragement or questions, reach out to me on 08121716955 or BB Pin: 2198C8C1

  

To my Child

13-07-2010


Straight from my heart,


Dear Child,

I am writing you another letter. Although I knew you would come, I never had the idea of when, or even how. All medical reasons why you may not come kept mounting, physically and psychologically drained with syringe of injections, drugs, surgeries and investigative procedures that kept bringing up more issues than I could bear.

That was the painful part.

My pastor took one look at me in March and said, “No shaking”, I was really looking forward to some big prayers to clear out the roadblocks and bring the miracle but I guess God knew I had no problem. The good part is that we have faith to believe, faith to give our hope the substance it needs to bring what our heart desires out into realities. We believe in God who is able; and who has promised. We also hold Him to His word which he has sworn by himself not to fail.


And you came! The journey to realisation began when we least expected and I am convinced all is well with you; with the barrage of prayers and well-wishes as my bulge begins to show; a little too early if I must say, but I guess you are going to be a big baby! This time around don’t worry, the host of heaven is watching over you to bring you forth at the right time into our waiting arms!

Keep swimming in the love of all around you, my child of promise, the evidence of God’s power in our life till we see face to face. Maybe I will write another letter, or maybe I will continue our journal till we see face to face. Daddy is reading and piling up more knowledge on how to meet our needs. He can’t wait to hold you in his arms!


I sure love you and I am committed to doing all I can to see you at the right time.

A lesson from Michal

She looked out from behind the heavy drapes that separates the children's quarters from the king's court. Who is this young, handsome man that all the town has been talking about? His name is on every lips and he is gradually becoming even more popular than her father, the King. Michal knew his name is David, a shepherd boy from Bethlehem and she has heard from the palace guards and servants how he slayed the big, strong Goliath. She wants to know him better, and every story she hears about him makes her heart grow fonder of this tender yet strong Shepherd boy.

Saul has gradually grown weary of hearing the women in his courtyard singing with playful frolic the latest release from the town's musician. The words of the songs, innocent they may seem, only stirs up his anger at the boy. The women sang," Saul kills by the thousands, David by the ten thousand" What impunity! How dare he take the shine off me!! He took it as a personal insult, he said to himself," before i know it, these people will give David the kingdom"!

By allowing hate in his heart, Saul sanked deeper into depression and sought to kill David. He decided that rather than kill him with his own hands, he will send David to fight all his wars and allow the enemies of Israel to finish him off. He therefore called David and offered him Merab, his first daughter - David couldn't believe it! Saul however didn't go on with the Merab conspiracy as another chance presented itself - He found out that Michal loved David! I will use Michal as bait to get David out to where the enemies will get a good hold of him, he thought.

Saul ordered his servants," Go and tell David that he needs to become the king's in law!" However, David was careful, he thought himself too low to become the king's in-law. His thoughts was that he could never afford the bride price anyway. However Saul devised a way out, " Go kill 100 Philistines and bring evidence of their deaths to the me, and the bride is your, He said."  Easy, David said and did what the king demanded. Mission accomplished! Michal was married to David.
Michal's heart never ceased to love her husband and she was content to be his wife. The only snag is the obvious hatred her father seems to harbour for her husband. Her love, unknown to her makes her father's hatred for her husband to increase more. To Saul, David has not only taken away God's favour from him, his son and daughter loves him too! David kept winning all battles, and became even more popular to Saul's chagrin.

Michal heard of her father's conspiracy to stake out her house and kill her husband, David. She quickly told him what was going on. " Quickly now - make your escape tonight. If not, you'll be dead by morning!" She let him out of a window, and he made his escape. She also took a dummy in his bed, place a wig on it's head and covered it up. That was what her father's guard saw when they came in the morning to kill David. That was the beginning of David's life as a fugitive and his hide and seek game with Saul that ended at Saul' death years after. David as a fugitive married other women like Abigail,Ahinoam,Haggith, Abital and Eglah while Saul  married Michal off to Paltiel Laish.

David did not forget Michal, her love for him and how she made good his escape that fateful night, so when he heard of the offer to be king of the United State of Israel, his first condition to the general that made him the offer is that Michal should be brought to him in Judah (that is where David was reigning as King at  the time as Saul's son Ishbosheth ruled over the rest of Israel supported by his army general, Abner). It was this same Abner that gave David the offer to rule both kingdom after being reprimanded by Ishbosheth for sleeping with Sauls' mistress. Please note that Paltiel Laish wept and followed the soldier that came to take Michal back to David. Michal was definitely a good wife and loved even though she did not have a child for Paltiel.

Obed-Edom had the ark (which signified the presence of God) in his house after an unfortunate situation at the first attempt to transport it back to Jerusalem. David knew the ark should be where the king is and made arrangements to bring it to the city of David, being a Shepherd boy e did not care about royalty and danced before the ark like an excited child will do when his father returns home after so long. Michal, who had spent so many years in the palace been groomed as a princess  saw this as a bad behaviour for a king. She became judgemental of David's mode of worship and refused to key in into the sacredness of the moment.

After David had led the dance group, offered prayers and offerings to God who is present in the ark he blessed the people and sent them home. David then returned home to bless his own family. I am sure he had it in his mind to pray for the blessing of a child for his wife Michal, who met him as he came in and rather than receive the blessing, blurted out," How wonderfully the king has distinguished himself today - exposing himself to the eyes of the servants' maids like some burlesque street dancer!" Instead of a blessing, David replied her," In God's presence I'll dance all and how I want! He chose me over your father and the rest of your family and made me a prince over His people, over Israel. oh yes, I'll dance to God's glory - more recklessly even than this. And as far as I'm concerned...I'll gladly look like a fool...but among these maids you're so worried about, I'll be honoured!"

Many of us know Michal as Saul's daughter and David's first wife. We are also too familiar with the fact she is the only woman in the bible that died barren. Every other childless woman in the bible had a child of promise but Michal died without a child. I have always believed (and I am sure you also did) that it was all due to the way she despised King David when he danced vigorously at the party heralding the return of the ark into the City of David was her offence. She meant no bad and to the best of her knowledge she was protective of the sanctity of the throne which she grew up to know.

Most of us do today are like that, we judge others actions without knowing what the motives are, we condemn one form of worship against another as long as it does not suit our background or style. We have failed to develop a firm belief in God so we need outward piety to show we are law-abiding children. Legalism made Michal miss her time of blessing, will you let it take yours from you? Comments are welcomed.

Story taken from  between 1st Samuel 18 - 2nd Samuel 6. Message bible version

Random Thoughts

1. It is already May and that means in a few weeks the year we all waited with anxiety to start would have gone half-way. How have you fared or ho are you faring?

2. I read in one of the blogs i subscribe to that failure is ambition refused for a better plan. Only if we can truly understand the words of this sentence and make them true in all our endeavours.

3.  I know some people who have decided to shut out pains and pretend as if those emotions don't exist. To such people your sufferings can simply not be felt and therefore they cannot sympathise with you. But does that eliminate the fact that there is pain? of course not.

4.  This year is moving on gradually and by now I'm sure most people have forgotten what it was they intended to do in the year and have join in in the motions, accepting the status quo and drifting. I live in a country and state where it is so easy to drift, but we must do all we can to move against the tide and dream on...

5. Take time out - maybe a week or 3 days and decide to live positively- not  dobting your   own ability to succeed and not habouring any negative thought in your heart. Try it and see if it works for you. I am doing the same too.

We will surely sing a new song!

SPARE A THOUGHT FOR THE DEAD

It is so sad that an human being can slaughter another human being, innocent children and their mothers in cold-blood all in the name of religion or reprisal attack! This shows how far our culture has degenerated into a abysmal state where instead of growing to be more accepting of one another we descend into animalistic tendencies.

I blame our leaders, I blame poverty, unemployment and the religious bigotry that has pervaded our nation unchecked for 50 years. How can we refuse to move on, how can we move on if we have no future to step into! 50 years of religious crisis, and even an attempted terrorist attack on USA.

I saw this picture online and it is just sad! I imagine the joys of the families of these slain kids at their birth and now, their destinies has been truncated in the most savage manner. Which way, Nigeria? Haiti lost thousands to a naturally occuring disaster, we lost our hundreds to a man-made and avoidable disaster.

Let us all spare a thought for these lost souls in our quiet time and pray for Nigeria!

A Letter to the Child of My Waiting Days

                                                                                                                             
Straight from my heart,

26-02-2010

Dear child of my waiting days,

I cannot remember a time in the last few years that I have not prayed for you, most times with tears in my eyes - begging God to let you come, to remove every impediment and make you perfect. Even when I was so sure you were on the way and after 24 weeks the journey was truncated, it made the desire to have you, hold you, love you more intense and the tears flow freely each time I pray. My prayers became desperate, giving God all the reasons I know to make you mine.

I only stopped asking for you in tears after I had an awesome experience through the song, "Yesterday" by MaryMary. The song really ministered to me that I need not cry as God knows my desire and my tears won't do a thing. He will still be God so all I need do is praise him for being God. But all through these times I never had a dream about you. Initially, my prayer was for one beautiful child, after the unfortunate incidence in January 2009, my prayers became a request for two. Yet I had no picture in my mind of what I wanted until now.

I saw you today when I had a wonderful dream about you and it was such an awesome experience - still don't understand how one can move from infanthood, to teenage years in one night - but that was what  happened. The dream has given me confidence as I have an idea of what you look like. It has also secured a place in my heart for you more than ever before, and I know now that I want you more than ever.

If you ever get this letter, I hope you are looking forward to meeting me as I am waiting for you. However, in this waiting room, I am doing my best to deserve you and be the best mom you will be proud of.

I will surely write another letter to you till we see face to face in the flesh. I hope that won't be too far in the year. Be assured dh is also looking forward to meeting you and prays for you everyday.

Love you.

Dolapo Taiwo-Fajolu

No, You Don’t Have To See You Wearing a White Dress!

No, You Don’t Have To See You Wearing a White Dress!

What is Marriage Really About?

This post is about an important part of our existence as human beings. Whether we acknowledge it or not, marriage is as important as any of lifes' endeavour. A look at the courtship period, the proposal, wedding rattamatazz and the rest of the furore about what is right or not makes it even more encompassing. Some people ascribe more improtance to the ceremony than to proper care in the choice of life partner. That word, life partner, brings me to the main reason why i am writing this piece - What is marriage really about? What is the life partnership all about? What sustains it?

 A look at the conventional wedding vows reads like this, "to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part "(Traditional Church of England wedding vows).

And then to exchange rings, the vows reads like this,"With my body I honour you, all that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you, within the love of God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit". (Traditional words for the exchange of rings).

"Christians believe that marriage is a gift from God, one that should not be taken for granted. It is the right atmosphere to engage in sexual relations and to build a family life. Getting married in a church, in front of God, is very important. A marriage is a public declaration of love and commitment. This declaration is made in front of friends and family in a church ceremony." - bbc.co.uk

The above quote is the best definition of christian marriage that i have ever come across. We pretend as if marriage is merely for status, just for us to add the prefix, MRS to the ladies name or for the man to boost his ego that he has come of age. Marriage is firstly a gift - then what is the gift? It is the gift of another person just like a brother, sister, friend, companion. What differentiates a man as a friend and a man as a husband is the right to sexual relationship.

It took a funny picture of a cake made for a bridal shower and its inscription to bring about an argument on what marriage is really about. We may never agree on what it means to us all but my research on the topic showed that what differentiates marriage from other relationship we hold is the right to sexual relationship. No wonder in the bible, marriage is often associated with "knowing". We are familiar with scriptures that says, "and Isaac knew his wife, and she conceived..., and David knew his wife...", and several other knowings in the scriptures.

Also, the grievous sin of infidelity would not have been so classified if it is not a direct violation of what marriage stands for. So when I saw this cake, I was simply amused at the bolness of the baker and probably that the person who organised the bridal shower. It may look a little to odd for some, even unholy or unspiriitual to others, but what are we talking about? Ask any married man or woman and they will tell you the truth, most marriages hit the rock first from the bedroom before it gets to the kitchen, living room or out in the public.

Before you say you don't have to be married to have sex as the message around us has always been that of permissiveness, I must emphasise that sex outside of marriage is mostly done in fear - either of catching a disease, unplanned pregnancies, heart breaks and even eternal judgement. Anyone who will be truthful like one of my former managers who confessed that before marriage, it takes him at least a week to beg his wife-to-be to have sex with him but after marriage, he can, any time of the day get her to do his biddings. That may be the extreme but the place of sex, we all know is in the safety of marriage.
Any woman preparing for marriage should prepare for the wedding night(s) as much as she does the ceremony. Not just a lingerie for the honeymoon, but a lifetime of convincings 'not tonight dears, faint headaches, tiredness, or even a lock out'. But above all, the wonderful feeling of total peace that comes with satisfying nights or even days in each others' arms.

NB
Readers comments are welcome

Questions, rantings and more questions!

It hurts so bad when we miss the point of our existence. I am not referring to an individual failing to meet lifes' expectation but the Church becoming a disappointment to itself and the people it is meant to serve. Why did God give us Jesus? John 3:16 says, "This is how much God loved the WORLD: He gave his Son, his one and only SON. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life" (The Message//Remix version of the bible)

The last thing on God's mind when He created man was for man to build edifices and all that - God made man so that he can fellowship (have relationship) with Him. He sent Jesus so that He can restore the fellowship lost when man fell. Where then did the Church get the idea that the building is more important than the people of God, or that offerings and eloquent speeches can replace the tears of a repentant sinner? It continues to amaze me that from church to church the leadership place more emphasis on numbers that fill the auditorium service after service than on the numbers been redeemed from the kingdom of the devil to God's kingdom!

Why will we spend good money, provided by God's grace on jamborees disguised as musical concerts when we can storm the streets and save the dying world, the world God so love...

When will we stop putting one another down enough to focus on the urgency of the kingdom matters. It surprised me when I heard someone call a close pal of my "spiri-koko" even in the church, is it possible for us to be too spiritual? I think it is better to be too spiritual than to be carnally minded.

Pastors, Deacons, Elders focus on loyalty rather than raising disciples. There is a desire to run the church, or should I say ministry like a profit-making organisation - no wonder men are clamouring for tax for the churches. We have majored in the minor!

We don't affect the world again and the painful part of it is that we have brought the fight home - biting and killing each other. Setting the zeal of people on fire and then pouring water on it all in one breath! How else can one describe what happens when church leaders are selected not based on the guiding of the spirit but on intellectual, personal and even sometimes financial basis. No wonder we don't get the result we desire and we weary out.

May God help us.

Fear has Torment 1, 2 and Finally (A reprint)

The story you are about to read was first published as a facebook note in 3 parts in April 2009. I have not started blogging then but knew i wanted to write.

I almost broke out in sweats though the airconditioner was working full blast. I looked at the time and it was 12 midnight. Has he been awake all night or did he set an alarm? It wasn't my birthday, our anniversary or valentine. 'I love you' , he said and left the room. Why would my husband wake up at midnight just to say that? Is he leaving? Have i done something wrong? Or right? Did he have a dream or premonition of something? Am i dying?


How did i become so fearful just because of an endearing remark?
 
He left my side as the torrents of negative thoughts flooded my mind. Do i follow him and ask why he said he loves me. I heard the toilet flush and steeled myself for what's to come. He headed for the living room instead and moments later i heard music play as he began to worship and pray. Ha! I muttered, something must really be wrong?! I began to say prayers of my own then it struck me- DH just wanted 2 express his love for me. Why did i allow fear to paralyse me and stop me from enjoying the moment?
 
I didn't have the courage to join in the prayers but i waited patiently in the room. I realised then that everyone has a moment, when our defences are down and we are at our lowest point- at that point we lose our confidence and become helpless. I also concluded that such thoughts won't stop coming but i won't allow them spoil such sweet moments. As he walked in,


I stretched out my hand and whispered a hearty I love you too. Just then the alarm rang. 4.30a.m. Time to get up and face another day in Lagos.

Mama na boy 2!

It is rejoicing all the way as God heard my familys' heart cry and blessed my Sister with a bbb! Now Shalewa and Shewa has a litttle brother making a very balance equation and me, another nephew! My sweet brother-in-law is not unequally yoked and out-numbered anymore! I am really excited that it's a boy! And shout out to Kemi & Ibrahim Folarin whose son is als a birthday mate of my nephew. Now that baby is alos a testimony to God's pride in hearing us and making all things beautiful in his time.


Note : bbb - bouncing baby boy

An Invitation to all my friends

I have a confession to make. The confession is that I have another blog alongside favourite things which is closer to my heart and what I do is that I go there when I want to offload. Now i want to invite friends to this blog. Please take time out to visit http://shethirsts.blogspot.com/. It looks a bit dark but there are cheering news there too.

I hope you will learn one or two things and your comments are welcome.

Waiting.Waiting..Waiting...

Much of the christian life consist of waiting - we wait on God in fasting, prayer and watchnights, we wait for answers to prayers, whatever our request may be. In the waiting process several things happen to a believer. Waiting on God is like going to the hospital - you walk through the doors and several faces look up at you as you approach the reception desk.

Registration over, you take a seat and listen to the radio on your phone, make calls or watch the TV. Bored, you fix your gaze on the wall posters and medical jargons on almanacs and calendars or some wall papers. By now you are sicker than you were when you came in.

The nurse calls your name and you get up and continue the wait as your temperature, blood pressure, weight and others are taken and recorded. Then you are ushered into the doctors office who after hearing your story orders some tests and you are back atthe waiting line now in the laboratory...

Should our waiting on God be like this? I believe we must not leave it all to God as Apostle Paul said in Hebrews 6: 10-15, The Message remix version of the Bible summarises it like this and i paraphrase as follows,"God keeps his promise but while you wait for it dont be lazy - work at it and at your belief".

God can do all things, it is only a matter of when and as we cannot plant a seed and reap a harvest of the same in the same day, waiting is inevitable in our human experience but it doesn't have to be as bad as waiting on a doctor, who may not even be able to disgonise correctly what ails you. God is Sovereign and we need to remind ourself of his vastness everyday so that we don't lose sight of who we are working for and waiting on.

Check out Prayers Fire Blog

Hi,

I want you to take a look at: Prayers Fire Blog 

Going Somewhere?

I saw this expression somewhere and i quote "Those who think they know everything are annoying to those of us who do. It's funny, but if you place the period after the word "annoying," it's also true. But know-it-all managers aren't just annoying. They're also bad managers, bad for the organization, and bad for business." Since I don't know everything, i am prepared to read as much as i can, research on it and learn form those who do. I believe that will help me become a better manager and therefore a dependable business person.

I sent out a thank you note to all my customers today and i did that telling myself that i must not look like where i am, but rather like where i am going to. My business is still young, somehow shaky but i know all too well that that is the same way athletes like Usain Bolt started- crawling, sttagering, standing , walking, running and then running well.
ATB&B may be young but it is not going to be like that for long.

I am also starting aa book review/online book club in 2010 - so watch this space all lovers of books and you will be glad you did.
THINK, LOOK AND ACT LIKE WHERE YOU ARE GOING!

ARE YOU MOTIVATED?

Sometimes life can be soooo hard and you wish you weren't where you are or doing what you are doing? There are times you look around you and the solutions you seek are just not forthcoming. I had often been told that the closest time to the dawn is the darkest and that when all chips are down, look up. How then do you look up when your tears have blinded you to seeing clearly?

How do you stay motivated and encouraged when all hell is breaking loose around you? or how do you encourage others who look up to you? How do you pray when it seems the clouds are gathering around you and you are swamped on all sides? How do you escape when screaming "GOD" on top of your voice and "JESUS" with all your strength seems futile.

I feel helpless sometimes and at this time, i am on auto-drive. I don't wanna sound ungrateful, but i really need a break - There are breaks, i know, those dear moments when God surprises me with a favour i stopped asking for but still needed, and when a kindhearted friend and brother gave my sweetheart a wheel when ours is misbehaving - but beyond this, how do you feel motivated when the deepest desires of your heart seems unreachable and unattainable.

Just stay motivated and encouraged, against all odds, things will work out fine. It always does. Abi? There is sunshine after the rain, and light at the end of the tunnel. All test will become a testimony, and there is a message in the mess. Ok oh!

By the way, the picture is that of my church's altar, cool, hun?

POST SCRIPT - Do you know that when we are busy looking down, God is busy making things right? Good that He is first a Father, then a judge!!! All's well that ends well. as-the-light-comes-shinning-through-my-life-again, i know that God is watching out for me. It's just a matter of time, yeah!

MAMA NA BOY!

This is a short post to congratulate my dear friends Tosin and Bukola who both gave birth to bouncing baby boys on Friday and Saturday 23rd and 24th respectively. May their joys know no end and may those bundle of joys be all the parents wish. Congrats to the Olusolas and the Fagbolas.

MENTAL LOWS OR HIGHS?

How quiet and at peace a person is can only be determined by the quality of the chatters that go on in our minds. These conversations, that begins once you wake up in the morning, till you lay down again at night and for some continues in their subconscious while they try to sleep could range form self flagellations to prideful comments, from love thoughts to hate words.

A pious, holy looking person could have lustful thoughts in His mind, while a friend smiling at you acros the table or at work could have thoughts that are better shown in an horror film about you in her mind.

We sometimes hide our thue feelings by expressing the very opposite of what we feel. Our mental chatters is also revealed by a sigh, the unecessary outburst, and sometimes a gentle smile that say a plesant thought just passed through our mind. King Sunny Ade sang about the conscience being that onewho is the silent observer of all we do - Remenber that song? Do you know that some people who speak impeccably in English language often commune in their mind in that same language?

What you dwell upon in your heart will affect all you do. We need to ask, what or who are we in the recesses of our mind? What if there is a screen where our thoughts are screened? Will you be proud of the production? The Holy book says as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. We are but a reflection of our thoughts and sooner or later, those thoughts will become actions. Shall we pray?

Let the words of my mouth

and the meditation of my heart

be acceptable in your sight, Oh Lord!

Favourite Things: WHERE ARE YOUR FRIENDS?

Favourite Things: WHERE ARE YOUR FRIENDS?

WHERE ARE YOUR FRIENDS?

I once did a soul search and asked myself if i can live without my friends. The answer was resounding NO! Friends come and go but even when we are disappointed or we disappoint others, we will still gravitate towards the next person and strike another alliance - hoping it will be better than the last. No matter how reclusive we may want to seem, we can't function fully as humans without the love and affections of our friends.

I have heard people say things like, "I don't have any friends" or "my siblings are my only friends", or "I don't want to have any friends". Married women are even advised not to have friends and make their spouse the only friend they have - no wonder most women nowadays are not making the impact our mothers made then. I remember growing up seeing my mum host several women's association - either from the Anglican Church we attended then or from her office or other groups. These women come together and in the midst of the normal bickering- they stand by one another, help out when it is needed and rally round each other for the sake of the friendship they share through the clubs or association. I remember also that they started a mentoring strategy where a young, or newly married woman is attached to an older woman who acts as her guide and prayer partner. Such women, who are now older still remembers my mum and keeps in touch - years and several re locations later.

The men also had theirs - even though it is more of an excuse to eat bush meat and drink palm wine than to bond - yet it brought out a lot of results for the children as you are able to leverage on your dad's association with a certain permanent Secretary or DG to get an IT placement, job or get out of trouble.

So how come we don't have these groups of 20's, 10's and even 5's anymore? Sometimes we even struggle to keep in touch with the few church members we say hi to after the services and we don't call to say hi to our colleagues at work once the weekend start? When i recall that there was no GSM or social networking sites then, i wondered how our parents made the contacts necessary to keep their friends close.

We have facebook, skype, twitter, e-mails, GSM - yet it has drawn us apart rather than keep us together! There is need to feel that closeness with the other person that is intimate but not sexual, that is revealing but not indecent.

I love my friends and sometimes i overdo it - making their husbands and boyfriends jealous and uncomfortable - but i can't help it because i only thrive and be my best when i am surrounded with them. My husband has learn to accept that these people - young, older, mates - women and a few guys - will always be part of our home. That is why it is possible for me to accommodate a male friend in my home for almost a year without much ado and give a key to my home to another female friend.

Who are your friends? Are they the people who looks and dress like you do or do you go out of your way to be a shoulder to someone who is different? Are you reliable? Can i trust you with the deepest secrets of my heart? Can i rely on you to bail me out of a bad situation? You don't have to be perfect to be a good friend, i am not - sometimes my big mouth comes between my good intentions and deliveries and i hurt my friends and myself in the process - but then, there is forgiveness which we have all received and should give back in volumes.

Where are your friends? Look out for those who mean something to you today and don't hesitate to be a friend to another.