Bellanaija Features: Born Too Soon

Dear friends,

DO visit http://www.bellanaija.com/2012/10/17/bn-our-stories-our-miracles-born-too-soon-dolapo-taiwo-fajolu-shares-the-story-of-the-loss-of-her-son-her-second-chance/ to read up a feature about prematurity.

You already know this blog is dedicated to family, fertility, babies, women's health and all other things on the side.

Love you all.

World Prematurity Day is November 17 2012

Come November 17, 2012 I will be joining the World to celebrate WORLD PREMATURITY DAY. This is a day set aside to draw attention to children born before the full gestational period and to mothers who face the onerous task of waiting with fear, anxiety and prayers for these dear babies. If u want to join me, comment below this post and let me know if you are a preemie, a mother to one, a medical practitioner interested in the care of preemies or just a kind hearted person.

More information onthe programme of events will be sent your way.

If youhave links in the media and will like to partner with me on this programme do not hesitate to contact me as well.

God bless you

A short note to my beautiful kicker!!!

In a few weeks I'll meet you, hold you and look into your eyes for the first time. Although we've not met your presence is evidence in every kick, hiccups and movement in my tummy.




I wasn't expecting you; cos I was still revelling in knowing and caring for your brother, our brave ever-smiling miracle baby. But God had plans for you and you came. We didn't even know until almost 12weeks after.


I ask myself how do I share my love equally between you and still remain impartial and make you feel the love. While OT was sought for, you are a gift, a favour God bestowed on us. I'm preparing to meet you and I love you so much already.

Now that I have you, I am more optimistic and unrepentantly so that there is no impossibility with our God and therefore I can boldly say that every woman and man deserves children and there are many ways to achive this success. The only obstacle is fear and giving up too early in the day.

If anyone reads this note, and wants to know the ways, dont hesistate to ask me.

xoxo

My Story was featured on 9jamom.com!

Dear Friends,

My story is the month's feature on http://9jamom.com/

The response has been overwhelming and i never knew how opening up and sharing my personal story could touch people the way it has done.

I appreciate the admin of 9jamom for the opportunity and all who has commented and shared their stories with me too. We are going somewhere with this and opening up is just the beginning. Friends and families suffering in silence can stop as a problem shared is one half-solved.

Visit http://9jamom.com/profiles/blog/9ja-mom-real-stories

Drop a word of encouragement and pass the word around. There is hope!!! 

When Your Period Signals a Problem

Heavy periods, no periods, painful periods, spotting -- find out when it's time to call your doctor.



By Stephanie Watson


Reviewed by Mikio A. Nihira, MD


As you probably learned back in middle school, menstruation is the monthly shedding of your uterine lining. Though it can be uncomfortable and sometimes inconvenient, your period is your body's way of telling you that your reproductive system is working properly.



Just as every woman is unique, every woman's period has its own personality. Some periods are short, others are long. Some are heavy, others are light.


After a few years' worth of monthly bleeding, most women start to get a feel for their period's frequency, duration, and flow. When something out of the ordinary happens -- such as spotting between periods or an exceptionally heavy flow -- it's natural to wonder what's going on.


Is There Such a Thing as a Normal Period?


Not really. The average woman's menstrual cycle is 28 days long, and the average period lasts for three to five days, but there can be huge menstrual cycle variations from woman to woman.


"Three days is normal for some women, seven days is normal for others," says Franklin Loffer, MD, executive vice president and medical director of AAGL (formerly known as the American Association of Gynecologic Laparoscopists). Similarly, the normal period flow can be heavier in some women than in others.


Rather than worrying about the length or frequency of your period, you need to consider whether anything has changed.


"A woman should really be tracking her own menstrual cycle, because it provides huge numbers of clues about whether something's not right," says Frances Ginsburg, MD, director of reproductive endocrinology at Stamford Hospital in Stamford, Conn., and assistant professor of clinical obstetrics/gynecology in the Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons.


Here are some common menstrual period changes, and what they might mean.


Your Period Has Slowed or Stopped


The big question if you're not getting your period is -- how old are you?


The cause of a missing menstrual period (called amenorrhea) varies by age. "To quit having periods at age 25 is a significantly different issue than quitting at age 50," Loffer says.


For a woman in her 20s or 30s who is sexually active, pregnancy is always a possibility. "Even if a woman thinks she's protected, that's not an absolute guarantee," Loffer says.


On the other hand, women in their 40s or 50s could be in perimenopause -- the period surrounding menopause. As your ovaries slow their estrogen production, periods become less frequent. Periods also can get shorter or lighter during perimenopause. Once your periods stop for a full 12 months in a row, you're in menopause. The average age for menopause is 51.


Another possible cause of missed periods is excessive exercise. Anywhere from 5% to 25% of female athletes work out so hard that they stop getting their periods. Called exercise-induced amenorrhea, this phenomenon is particularly common among ballet dancers and runners. Intense exercise affects the production and regulation of reproductive hormones involved in the menstrual cycle.










Your Period Has Slowed or Stopped continued...


For similar reasons, women who have eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa can also stop getting their period. Severely restricting the amount of calories you eat suppresses the release of hormones your body needs for ovulation.


Other possible causes of missed periods include:


• Thyroid or pituitary gland disorders


• Disorder of the hypothalamus (brain area that assists with reproductive hormone regulation)


• Breastfeeding


• Obesity


• Oral contraceptives (although birth control pills will usually just make the periods lighter, rather than stopping them entirely)


• Stress


• Polycystic ovarian syndrome and other hormone imbalances


• Ovarian failure (the loss of normal ovarian function before age 40)


• Disease of the uterus (womb)


Your Period Is Heavier Than Normal


Most women only shed about 2 or 3 tablespoons of blood each month. Those with heavy periods (menorrhagia) can lose 5 or more tablespoons of blood monthly.


When you bleed excessively, you lose iron. Your body needs iron to produce hemoglobin, the molecule that helps your red blood cells transport oxygen throughout your body. Without enough iron, your red blood cell count will drop, leading to anemia. Signs of anemia include shortness of breath, unusually pale skin, and fatigue.


If you have a persistently heavy flow, see your doctor for a blood count to make sure you're not iron deficient, Ginsburg advises. If so, you might need to take a supplement.


A number of conditions can increase your period flow, including:


• Uterine fibroids or polyps (noncancerous growths in the uterine lining)


• Miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy


• Use of certain drugs (including blood thinners or steroids)


• A change in your birth control pills


• Clotting disorders, such as von Willebrand's disease


• Cancer of the uterus


You can gauge how heavy your period is by how many tampons or pads you're using. Soaking through one or more sanitary pads or tampons every hour for a few hours in a row is a sign that you're bleeding abnormally heavily.


Taking oral contraceptives can help regulate your menstrual cycle and reduce bleeding. If you use an IUD for contraception, your doctor may choose to insert a specific type of hormone-releasing IUD called Mirena to help reduce bleeding. Another option is a medicine called Lysteda, a pill that helps stop bleeding by increasing blood clotting.


If the bleeding continues, your ob/gyn might recommend that you have an ultrasound or other test to identify the source of the problem.






You're Bleeding In Between Periods


This is one period problem you shouldn’t ignore. "If you're bleeding between periods, it should be investigated," Loffer says.


Causes can range from something benign -- such as having an irritated sore in the vaginal area or forgetting to take your birth control pill -- to something as serious as an ectopic pregnancy or cancer. Visit your doctor for an exam.


You're Experiencing a Lot of Pain with Your Period


Your period generally isn't the most comfortable time of the month. Most women have cramps as the uterus contracts to shed its lining. Usually the discomfort is mild and it subsides in a day or two.


But for some women, the pain is so intense that they can't get out of bed.


Painful periods are called dysmenorrhea. They can be accompanied by other symptoms, including diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, headache, or discomfort in the lower back.


Sometimes the pain is from the period itself, but it also can be caused by conditions like endometriosis and fibroids. To find the source of the problem, your doctor can do a pelvic exam and Pap test, as well as other diagnostic tests such as an ultrasound or laparoscopy.


Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) can help because they not only relieve pain, they also prevent the body from making prostaglandins -- the chemicals that stimulate your uterus to contract during your period. Your doctor might recommend that you go on the pill or get an IUD, which can also reduce period pain. Fibroids and endometriosis are sometimes treated with surgery.


When to See Your Doctor


Any period issue that is out of the ordinary for you warrants a call to your doctor, especially if it makes you uncomfortable or keeps you from doing your normal activities. "If a woman feels that it's interfering with her lifestyle, then she needs to address it," Loffer says.


Definitely call your doctor if:


• Your periods used to be regular, but they've become irregular.


• Your period comes more often than every 21 days, or less often than every 35 days, for several cycles.


• You bleed for more than seven days straight.


• You stopped bleeding for 12 months in a row (menopause) and are now bleeding again.


• You are soaking through one or more pads or tampons each hour for several hours in a row.


• You have bleeding between periods.


• Your periods are very painful.


(Culled from WebMD.com)

Random Thoughts on Fertility

I listened to a radio call-in programme last night on IVF and 70% of the people who called in said they had the procedure and didn't receive post-procedure counselling after their cycles failed. This confirms to me that most fertility clinics are merely concerned about the money and not necessarily the emotional condition of their patients.

A woman called in and said she is over 50, and had IVF only to be told her ovum was not producing eggs! I believe someone like that need not have waited till her 50s to attempt IVF and also that the doctors should have done their investigative tests to ascertain her suitability for the procedure instead of allowing such a couple go through the emotional, and financial stress of the procedure.

It is common knowledge that if you are in your 20s and you have had unprotected sex for 1 year without conception you need to see a doctor and if you are in your 30s and has had unprotected sex for 6months without conception you are a candidate for fertility reviews. We should not wait until the 50s to seek help. One major factor leading to the high incidence of infertility in Nigeria as I have observed is late marriages. After spending all our productive years in school, we find out guys are afraid of commitment and ladies are getting married in their 30s. However, this does not stop anyone from getting to know your body while you are still single.

Ladies should review the changes in their monthly cycles. How long? How much? What changes? Seek healthy options to your favorites habits by eating well, avoid sinful relationships, don't do drugs and never take a drug without prescription. Do you know some prescription drugs causes infertility? if you have painful unexplained cramps, clots or irregular periods, they could be a pointer to deeper reproductive issues later in life. Knowledge is power and the earlier these are tackled the better.

Having a prayer network and receiving counsel goes a long way in calming nerves and knowing that someone has gone through the same path can go a long way in providing the succour and help that may be absent in the impersonal doctor's examination room. I can assure you that the feeling of being violated while on the examination table is not peculiar and any woman who has had to go through an examination knows what it feels like.

What am I rambling about? Reach out! Talk to someone!! It may not necessarily be easy to tell your friends and family what it is but in a personalised counselling you get to pour out your heart knowing the information will not be used against you.

 I strongly believe that any family going through infertility and considering treatment should seek out personalised counselling. It is a long road most of the time, and you need your support system. Please don't hesitate to reach out. Call 08121716955 today or add 2A38E9E7 on bbm. It could be the best decision you ever made on your journey through the waiting room.

I was here exactly 12 months ago

I never thought it will take me one whole year before I come back here but that is what seemed to have happened. my last post was a letter to my unborn child (13/07/2010). That child is 7 months today!!! It has been a roller coaster of fears, joys, trepidation and certainties.

Oromitope Edward Fajolu is surely a dream and a prayer come true. He is so far all I wished he would be and much more. Infertility in whatever form is a hard place to be and going through the phase and being blessed with a child, one so precious as OT is indeed indescribable.

I reach out to all women out there waiting for the joy of motherhood, I reach out via this post to all the ladies out there facing the pains of infertility. I want to tell you it is indeed a hard place to be and you don't have to go through it alone. sometimes not having someone to talk to about your experiences makes it harder. or speaking to people and knowing they don't understand you at all! I just want to offer my hand and reach out. If you read this and you are in the waiting room, i say i can help. I can pray with you, talk to you, encourage you and discuss your treatment options with you. I had 2 early miscarriages and another one at 24 weeks before i was able to carry a baby to 31 weeks gestation age. Getting these pregnancies were not easy as i was on a regime of fertility drugs and injections as well. I know what it feels like to have to go for weekly injections to boost ovulation. I know how painful 'PD' injections are. ouch. What more? I can tell you how it feels to have a 1.6kg baby in NICU for 4 weeks

and watch him blossom into a cute bundle of joy in just few months.

I am saying that it is possible!!!



Transisting from the waiting room to the place of motherhood is possible.

Don't doubt it and please allow me to hold your hand through the journey.

Knowledge is power and not knowing what is going on in your body is uncomfortable. I love research and i am able to relate to everything that the doctors say but i know a lot of us out there are ignorant about terms like HSG, anovulatory cycles, ovarian cysts, cerclage, incompetent cervix, blocked tubes etc.

PS: If you know anyone who is in need of a word of encouragement or questions, reach out to me on 08121716955 or BB Pin: 2198C8C1

  

To my Child

13-07-2010


Straight from my heart,


Dear Child,

I am writing you another letter. Although I knew you would come, I never had the idea of when, or even how. All medical reasons why you may not come kept mounting, physically and psychologically drained with syringe of injections, drugs, surgeries and investigative procedures that kept bringing up more issues than I could bear.

That was the painful part.

My pastor took one look at me in March and said, “No shaking”, I was really looking forward to some big prayers to clear out the roadblocks and bring the miracle but I guess God knew I had no problem. The good part is that we have faith to believe, faith to give our hope the substance it needs to bring what our heart desires out into realities. We believe in God who is able; and who has promised. We also hold Him to His word which he has sworn by himself not to fail.


And you came! The journey to realisation began when we least expected and I am convinced all is well with you; with the barrage of prayers and well-wishes as my bulge begins to show; a little too early if I must say, but I guess you are going to be a big baby! This time around don’t worry, the host of heaven is watching over you to bring you forth at the right time into our waiting arms!

Keep swimming in the love of all around you, my child of promise, the evidence of God’s power in our life till we see face to face. Maybe I will write another letter, or maybe I will continue our journal till we see face to face. Daddy is reading and piling up more knowledge on how to meet our needs. He can’t wait to hold you in his arms!


I sure love you and I am committed to doing all I can to see you at the right time.

A lesson from Michal

She looked out from behind the heavy drapes that separates the children's quarters from the king's court. Who is this young, handsome man that all the town has been talking about? His name is on every lips and he is gradually becoming even more popular than her father, the King. Michal knew his name is David, a shepherd boy from Bethlehem and she has heard from the palace guards and servants how he slayed the big, strong Goliath. She wants to know him better, and every story she hears about him makes her heart grow fonder of this tender yet strong Shepherd boy.

Saul has gradually grown weary of hearing the women in his courtyard singing with playful frolic the latest release from the town's musician. The words of the songs, innocent they may seem, only stirs up his anger at the boy. The women sang," Saul kills by the thousands, David by the ten thousand" What impunity! How dare he take the shine off me!! He took it as a personal insult, he said to himself," before i know it, these people will give David the kingdom"!

By allowing hate in his heart, Saul sanked deeper into depression and sought to kill David. He decided that rather than kill him with his own hands, he will send David to fight all his wars and allow the enemies of Israel to finish him off. He therefore called David and offered him Merab, his first daughter - David couldn't believe it! Saul however didn't go on with the Merab conspiracy as another chance presented itself - He found out that Michal loved David! I will use Michal as bait to get David out to where the enemies will get a good hold of him, he thought.

Saul ordered his servants," Go and tell David that he needs to become the king's in law!" However, David was careful, he thought himself too low to become the king's in-law. His thoughts was that he could never afford the bride price anyway. However Saul devised a way out, " Go kill 100 Philistines and bring evidence of their deaths to the me, and the bride is your, He said."  Easy, David said and did what the king demanded. Mission accomplished! Michal was married to David.
Michal's heart never ceased to love her husband and she was content to be his wife. The only snag is the obvious hatred her father seems to harbour for her husband. Her love, unknown to her makes her father's hatred for her husband to increase more. To Saul, David has not only taken away God's favour from him, his son and daughter loves him too! David kept winning all battles, and became even more popular to Saul's chagrin.

Michal heard of her father's conspiracy to stake out her house and kill her husband, David. She quickly told him what was going on. " Quickly now - make your escape tonight. If not, you'll be dead by morning!" She let him out of a window, and he made his escape. She also took a dummy in his bed, place a wig on it's head and covered it up. That was what her father's guard saw when they came in the morning to kill David. That was the beginning of David's life as a fugitive and his hide and seek game with Saul that ended at Saul' death years after. David as a fugitive married other women like Abigail,Ahinoam,Haggith, Abital and Eglah while Saul  married Michal off to Paltiel Laish.

David did not forget Michal, her love for him and how she made good his escape that fateful night, so when he heard of the offer to be king of the United State of Israel, his first condition to the general that made him the offer is that Michal should be brought to him in Judah (that is where David was reigning as King at  the time as Saul's son Ishbosheth ruled over the rest of Israel supported by his army general, Abner). It was this same Abner that gave David the offer to rule both kingdom after being reprimanded by Ishbosheth for sleeping with Sauls' mistress. Please note that Paltiel Laish wept and followed the soldier that came to take Michal back to David. Michal was definitely a good wife and loved even though she did not have a child for Paltiel.

Obed-Edom had the ark (which signified the presence of God) in his house after an unfortunate situation at the first attempt to transport it back to Jerusalem. David knew the ark should be where the king is and made arrangements to bring it to the city of David, being a Shepherd boy e did not care about royalty and danced before the ark like an excited child will do when his father returns home after so long. Michal, who had spent so many years in the palace been groomed as a princess  saw this as a bad behaviour for a king. She became judgemental of David's mode of worship and refused to key in into the sacredness of the moment.

After David had led the dance group, offered prayers and offerings to God who is present in the ark he blessed the people and sent them home. David then returned home to bless his own family. I am sure he had it in his mind to pray for the blessing of a child for his wife Michal, who met him as he came in and rather than receive the blessing, blurted out," How wonderfully the king has distinguished himself today - exposing himself to the eyes of the servants' maids like some burlesque street dancer!" Instead of a blessing, David replied her," In God's presence I'll dance all and how I want! He chose me over your father and the rest of your family and made me a prince over His people, over Israel. oh yes, I'll dance to God's glory - more recklessly even than this. And as far as I'm concerned...I'll gladly look like a fool...but among these maids you're so worried about, I'll be honoured!"

Many of us know Michal as Saul's daughter and David's first wife. We are also too familiar with the fact she is the only woman in the bible that died barren. Every other childless woman in the bible had a child of promise but Michal died without a child. I have always believed (and I am sure you also did) that it was all due to the way she despised King David when he danced vigorously at the party heralding the return of the ark into the City of David was her offence. She meant no bad and to the best of her knowledge she was protective of the sanctity of the throne which she grew up to know.

Most of us do today are like that, we judge others actions without knowing what the motives are, we condemn one form of worship against another as long as it does not suit our background or style. We have failed to develop a firm belief in God so we need outward piety to show we are law-abiding children. Legalism made Michal miss her time of blessing, will you let it take yours from you? Comments are welcomed.

Story taken from  between 1st Samuel 18 - 2nd Samuel 6. Message bible version

Random Thoughts

1. It is already May and that means in a few weeks the year we all waited with anxiety to start would have gone half-way. How have you fared or ho are you faring?

2. I read in one of the blogs i subscribe to that failure is ambition refused for a better plan. Only if we can truly understand the words of this sentence and make them true in all our endeavours.

3.  I know some people who have decided to shut out pains and pretend as if those emotions don't exist. To such people your sufferings can simply not be felt and therefore they cannot sympathise with you. But does that eliminate the fact that there is pain? of course not.

4.  This year is moving on gradually and by now I'm sure most people have forgotten what it was they intended to do in the year and have join in in the motions, accepting the status quo and drifting. I live in a country and state where it is so easy to drift, but we must do all we can to move against the tide and dream on...

5. Take time out - maybe a week or 3 days and decide to live positively- not  dobting your   own ability to succeed and not habouring any negative thought in your heart. Try it and see if it works for you. I am doing the same too.

We will surely sing a new song!

SPARE A THOUGHT FOR THE DEAD

It is so sad that an human being can slaughter another human being, innocent children and their mothers in cold-blood all in the name of religion or reprisal attack! This shows how far our culture has degenerated into a abysmal state where instead of growing to be more accepting of one another we descend into animalistic tendencies.

I blame our leaders, I blame poverty, unemployment and the religious bigotry that has pervaded our nation unchecked for 50 years. How can we refuse to move on, how can we move on if we have no future to step into! 50 years of religious crisis, and even an attempted terrorist attack on USA.

I saw this picture online and it is just sad! I imagine the joys of the families of these slain kids at their birth and now, their destinies has been truncated in the most savage manner. Which way, Nigeria? Haiti lost thousands to a naturally occuring disaster, we lost our hundreds to a man-made and avoidable disaster.

Let us all spare a thought for these lost souls in our quiet time and pray for Nigeria!

A Letter to the Child of My Waiting Days

                                                                                                                             
Straight from my heart,

26-02-2010

Dear child of my waiting days,

I cannot remember a time in the last few years that I have not prayed for you, most times with tears in my eyes - begging God to let you come, to remove every impediment and make you perfect. Even when I was so sure you were on the way and after 24 weeks the journey was truncated, it made the desire to have you, hold you, love you more intense and the tears flow freely each time I pray. My prayers became desperate, giving God all the reasons I know to make you mine.

I only stopped asking for you in tears after I had an awesome experience through the song, "Yesterday" by MaryMary. The song really ministered to me that I need not cry as God knows my desire and my tears won't do a thing. He will still be God so all I need do is praise him for being God. But all through these times I never had a dream about you. Initially, my prayer was for one beautiful child, after the unfortunate incidence in January 2009, my prayers became a request for two. Yet I had no picture in my mind of what I wanted until now.

I saw you today when I had a wonderful dream about you and it was such an awesome experience - still don't understand how one can move from infanthood, to teenage years in one night - but that was what  happened. The dream has given me confidence as I have an idea of what you look like. It has also secured a place in my heart for you more than ever before, and I know now that I want you more than ever.

If you ever get this letter, I hope you are looking forward to meeting me as I am waiting for you. However, in this waiting room, I am doing my best to deserve you and be the best mom you will be proud of.

I will surely write another letter to you till we see face to face in the flesh. I hope that won't be too far in the year. Be assured dh is also looking forward to meeting you and prays for you everyday.

Love you.

Dolapo Taiwo-Fajolu

No, You Don’t Have To See You Wearing a White Dress!

No, You Don’t Have To See You Wearing a White Dress!

What is Marriage Really About?

This post is about an important part of our existence as human beings. Whether we acknowledge it or not, marriage is as important as any of lifes' endeavour. A look at the courtship period, the proposal, wedding rattamatazz and the rest of the furore about what is right or not makes it even more encompassing. Some people ascribe more improtance to the ceremony than to proper care in the choice of life partner. That word, life partner, brings me to the main reason why i am writing this piece - What is marriage really about? What is the life partnership all about? What sustains it?

 A look at the conventional wedding vows reads like this, "to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part "(Traditional Church of England wedding vows).

And then to exchange rings, the vows reads like this,"With my body I honour you, all that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you, within the love of God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit". (Traditional words for the exchange of rings).

"Christians believe that marriage is a gift from God, one that should not be taken for granted. It is the right atmosphere to engage in sexual relations and to build a family life. Getting married in a church, in front of God, is very important. A marriage is a public declaration of love and commitment. This declaration is made in front of friends and family in a church ceremony." - bbc.co.uk

The above quote is the best definition of christian marriage that i have ever come across. We pretend as if marriage is merely for status, just for us to add the prefix, MRS to the ladies name or for the man to boost his ego that he has come of age. Marriage is firstly a gift - then what is the gift? It is the gift of another person just like a brother, sister, friend, companion. What differentiates a man as a friend and a man as a husband is the right to sexual relationship.

It took a funny picture of a cake made for a bridal shower and its inscription to bring about an argument on what marriage is really about. We may never agree on what it means to us all but my research on the topic showed that what differentiates marriage from other relationship we hold is the right to sexual relationship. No wonder in the bible, marriage is often associated with "knowing". We are familiar with scriptures that says, "and Isaac knew his wife, and she conceived..., and David knew his wife...", and several other knowings in the scriptures.

Also, the grievous sin of infidelity would not have been so classified if it is not a direct violation of what marriage stands for. So when I saw this cake, I was simply amused at the bolness of the baker and probably that the person who organised the bridal shower. It may look a little to odd for some, even unholy or unspiriitual to others, but what are we talking about? Ask any married man or woman and they will tell you the truth, most marriages hit the rock first from the bedroom before it gets to the kitchen, living room or out in the public.

Before you say you don't have to be married to have sex as the message around us has always been that of permissiveness, I must emphasise that sex outside of marriage is mostly done in fear - either of catching a disease, unplanned pregnancies, heart breaks and even eternal judgement. Anyone who will be truthful like one of my former managers who confessed that before marriage, it takes him at least a week to beg his wife-to-be to have sex with him but after marriage, he can, any time of the day get her to do his biddings. That may be the extreme but the place of sex, we all know is in the safety of marriage.
Any woman preparing for marriage should prepare for the wedding night(s) as much as she does the ceremony. Not just a lingerie for the honeymoon, but a lifetime of convincings 'not tonight dears, faint headaches, tiredness, or even a lock out'. But above all, the wonderful feeling of total peace that comes with satisfying nights or even days in each others' arms.

NB
Readers comments are welcome

Questions, rantings and more questions!

It hurts so bad when we miss the point of our existence. I am not referring to an individual failing to meet lifes' expectation but the Church becoming a disappointment to itself and the people it is meant to serve. Why did God give us Jesus? John 3:16 says, "This is how much God loved the WORLD: He gave his Son, his one and only SON. And this is why: so that no one need be destroyed; by believing in him, anyone can have a whole and lasting life" (The Message//Remix version of the bible)

The last thing on God's mind when He created man was for man to build edifices and all that - God made man so that he can fellowship (have relationship) with Him. He sent Jesus so that He can restore the fellowship lost when man fell. Where then did the Church get the idea that the building is more important than the people of God, or that offerings and eloquent speeches can replace the tears of a repentant sinner? It continues to amaze me that from church to church the leadership place more emphasis on numbers that fill the auditorium service after service than on the numbers been redeemed from the kingdom of the devil to God's kingdom!

Why will we spend good money, provided by God's grace on jamborees disguised as musical concerts when we can storm the streets and save the dying world, the world God so love...

When will we stop putting one another down enough to focus on the urgency of the kingdom matters. It surprised me when I heard someone call a close pal of my "spiri-koko" even in the church, is it possible for us to be too spiritual? I think it is better to be too spiritual than to be carnally minded.

Pastors, Deacons, Elders focus on loyalty rather than raising disciples. There is a desire to run the church, or should I say ministry like a profit-making organisation - no wonder men are clamouring for tax for the churches. We have majored in the minor!

We don't affect the world again and the painful part of it is that we have brought the fight home - biting and killing each other. Setting the zeal of people on fire and then pouring water on it all in one breath! How else can one describe what happens when church leaders are selected not based on the guiding of the spirit but on intellectual, personal and even sometimes financial basis. No wonder we don't get the result we desire and we weary out.

May God help us.

Fear has Torment 1, 2 and Finally (A reprint)

The story you are about to read was first published as a facebook note in 3 parts in April 2009. I have not started blogging then but knew i wanted to write.

I almost broke out in sweats though the airconditioner was working full blast. I looked at the time and it was 12 midnight. Has he been awake all night or did he set an alarm? It wasn't my birthday, our anniversary or valentine. 'I love you' , he said and left the room. Why would my husband wake up at midnight just to say that? Is he leaving? Have i done something wrong? Or right? Did he have a dream or premonition of something? Am i dying?


How did i become so fearful just because of an endearing remark?
 
He left my side as the torrents of negative thoughts flooded my mind. Do i follow him and ask why he said he loves me. I heard the toilet flush and steeled myself for what's to come. He headed for the living room instead and moments later i heard music play as he began to worship and pray. Ha! I muttered, something must really be wrong?! I began to say prayers of my own then it struck me- DH just wanted 2 express his love for me. Why did i allow fear to paralyse me and stop me from enjoying the moment?
 
I didn't have the courage to join in the prayers but i waited patiently in the room. I realised then that everyone has a moment, when our defences are down and we are at our lowest point- at that point we lose our confidence and become helpless. I also concluded that such thoughts won't stop coming but i won't allow them spoil such sweet moments. As he walked in,


I stretched out my hand and whispered a hearty I love you too. Just then the alarm rang. 4.30a.m. Time to get up and face another day in Lagos.

Mama na boy 2!

It is rejoicing all the way as God heard my familys' heart cry and blessed my Sister with a bbb! Now Shalewa and Shewa has a litttle brother making a very balance equation and me, another nephew! My sweet brother-in-law is not unequally yoked and out-numbered anymore! I am really excited that it's a boy! And shout out to Kemi & Ibrahim Folarin whose son is als a birthday mate of my nephew. Now that baby is alos a testimony to God's pride in hearing us and making all things beautiful in his time.


Note : bbb - bouncing baby boy

An Invitation to all my friends

I have a confession to make. The confession is that I have another blog alongside favourite things which is closer to my heart and what I do is that I go there when I want to offload. Now i want to invite friends to this blog. Please take time out to visit http://shethirsts.blogspot.com/. It looks a bit dark but there are cheering news there too.

I hope you will learn one or two things and your comments are welcome.

Waiting.Waiting..Waiting...

Much of the christian life consist of waiting - we wait on God in fasting, prayer and watchnights, we wait for answers to prayers, whatever our request may be. In the waiting process several things happen to a believer. Waiting on God is like going to the hospital - you walk through the doors and several faces look up at you as you approach the reception desk.

Registration over, you take a seat and listen to the radio on your phone, make calls or watch the TV. Bored, you fix your gaze on the wall posters and medical jargons on almanacs and calendars or some wall papers. By now you are sicker than you were when you came in.

The nurse calls your name and you get up and continue the wait as your temperature, blood pressure, weight and others are taken and recorded. Then you are ushered into the doctors office who after hearing your story orders some tests and you are back atthe waiting line now in the laboratory...

Should our waiting on God be like this? I believe we must not leave it all to God as Apostle Paul said in Hebrews 6: 10-15, The Message remix version of the Bible summarises it like this and i paraphrase as follows,"God keeps his promise but while you wait for it dont be lazy - work at it and at your belief".

God can do all things, it is only a matter of when and as we cannot plant a seed and reap a harvest of the same in the same day, waiting is inevitable in our human experience but it doesn't have to be as bad as waiting on a doctor, who may not even be able to disgonise correctly what ails you. God is Sovereign and we need to remind ourself of his vastness everyday so that we don't lose sight of who we are working for and waiting on.

Check out Prayers Fire Blog

Hi,

I want you to take a look at: Prayers Fire Blog