Monday, February 8, 2010

What is Marriage Really About?

This post is about an important part of our existence as human beings. Whether we acknowledge it or not, marriage is as important as any of lifes' endeavour. A look at the courtship period, the proposal, wedding rattamatazz and the rest of the furore about what is right or not makes it even more encompassing. Some people ascribe more improtance to the ceremony than to proper care in the choice of life partner. That word, life partner, brings me to the main reason why i am writing this piece - What is marriage really about? What is the life partnership all about? What sustains it?

 A look at the conventional wedding vows reads like this, "to have and to hold from this day forward; for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part "(Traditional Church of England wedding vows).

And then to exchange rings, the vows reads like this,"With my body I honour you, all that I am I give to you, and all that I have I share with you, within the love of God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit". (Traditional words for the exchange of rings).

"Christians believe that marriage is a gift from God, one that should not be taken for granted. It is the right atmosphere to engage in sexual relations and to build a family life. Getting married in a church, in front of God, is very important. A marriage is a public declaration of love and commitment. This declaration is made in front of friends and family in a church ceremony." -

The above quote is the best definition of christian marriage that i have ever come across. We pretend as if marriage is merely for status, just for us to add the prefix, MRS to the ladies name or for the man to boost his ego that he has come of age. Marriage is firstly a gift - then what is the gift? It is the gift of another person just like a brother, sister, friend, companion. What differentiates a man as a friend and a man as a husband is the right to sexual relationship.

It took a funny picture of a cake made for a bridal shower and its inscription to bring about an argument on what marriage is really about. We may never agree on what it means to us all but my research on the topic showed that what differentiates marriage from other relationship we hold is the right to sexual relationship. No wonder in the bible, marriage is often associated with "knowing". We are familiar with scriptures that says, "and Isaac knew his wife, and she conceived..., and David knew his wife...", and several other knowings in the scriptures.

Also, the grievous sin of infidelity would not have been so classified if it is not a direct violation of what marriage stands for. So when I saw this cake, I was simply amused at the bolness of the baker and probably that the person who organised the bridal shower. It may look a little to odd for some, even unholy or unspiriitual to others, but what are we talking about? Ask any married man or woman and they will tell you the truth, most marriages hit the rock first from the bedroom before it gets to the kitchen, living room or out in the public.

Before you say you don't have to be married to have sex as the message around us has always been that of permissiveness, I must emphasise that sex outside of marriage is mostly done in fear - either of catching a disease, unplanned pregnancies, heart breaks and even eternal judgement. Anyone who will be truthful like one of my former managers who confessed that before marriage, it takes him at least a week to beg his wife-to-be to have sex with him but after marriage, he can, any time of the day get her to do his biddings. That may be the extreme but the place of sex, we all know is in the safety of marriage.
Any woman preparing for marriage should prepare for the wedding night(s) as much as she does the ceremony. Not just a lingerie for the honeymoon, but a lifetime of convincings 'not tonight dears, faint headaches, tiredness, or even a lock out'. But above all, the wonderful feeling of total peace that comes with satisfying nights or even days in each others' arms.

Readers comments are welcome

1 comment:

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